Saturday, February 25, 2012


I had a really good day today (:

my friend was gonna take me to the mall of GA and we were gonna ride the bus, but then she realized that the bus doesnt run saturday and sunday so i ask my mum and she said she would take us (:

Around 2:00pm we left to pick them up. My friends were going to look for prom dresses so we went and tried some on. OMG they are so expensive -_______- I wasn't originally going to prom, but now i guess i am because my friend still doesnt have a date so she asked me. If she gets one i probably wont go ahah.  so we tried some on but didnt buy any ahaha then we went and ate in the food court~

SUSHIIIIIIIII. i had california rolls and so did my friend Mimi and My mum and Ice had little tokyo food. (: it was pretty good. Then we left mall of GA to look for more Prom dresses at Gwinnett place because they have this place called T.View in the Mega mart that sold prom dresses... but when we got there half the store was vacant and replaced with crates of rice... so the entire Gwinnett place mall is closing...probably because it's really ghetto there and nobody goes... It was Saturday night and hardly anybody was there! In GA mall it was crazy packed!! Haha and  an example of the ghetto that we experienced was when we were walking a group of men came up and were gave my friend a card for a "live mixtape" LOL i just kept walking off ahahah. So then we went to hot topic in Gwinnett place and because the malls closing there was an awsome sale (; thnk goodness i hardly shop at HT so at GA i didnt buy anything there...its all so expensive!! but at Gwinnett the sale made things alot more affordable! So i bought a shirt ~
& i also bought a jacket hehehe 
it says "super fresh" on the back too kekeke
 & My mum bought some eye liner that was on sale for 1.99!! that's way cheaper than even crap drug store makeup! These 3 items cost me about $32 but compared to how much it would have cost (almost $60) that's a steal keke
So after that me and my friends got hungry again so we headed off to H-Mart to eat, I got bulgogi with vegetables & rice and My friend Ice got Ramen and after like 15 mins of running around and me trying to help her Mimi got what i got ahah. Then my mum decided she wanted Dolsot bibimbap but with no meat! Lol she couldn't finish and left a bunch of rice & miso so we felt bad and stuffed the rice into the miso and asked for a lid, tomorrow i'm havin Jook i gues ahah. It wasn't too late but i guess all the places close at 9 so when we were finished the honors were gone ?!?!?!?!? and we had no clue where to put our plates -___________- my mum was the only one who had the owner stay so i hope i dont upset the people when they find 3 dirty plates when they come back in the morning ;A;
Well then it was late so we take them home and i got home around 10pm so yea, pretty fun.
I've decided i'm going to go all out on job search! tomorrow i'm applying for atleast 5 jobs ahah. I really need money u___u Wish luck plz (":

Sunday, February 19, 2012


I've been looking back in old folders and such lately and decided to share some old photos. I used to be really into photography. It was all about "take your camera everywhere you never know what will pop up!" I really need to get back into that , and i feel like the camera i have right now isn't satisfactory and will only discourage me, so, as mentioned before, i have applied for a job and plan to save up my first few pay checks to buy a 600 dollar camera. Yeah, ive been wanting that for like 54588 years now (yeah, i am that old, if not older, vampire status....) so with that and without a flawless 600 dollar camera i'll show what i can do /without/ a 600 dollar camera.

On my way to New York we stopped off in Virginia to see my grandpa, and this is one of his dogs Pudding... Shes now deceased unfortunately.

In Pennsylvania,when we were on our way to NY we had to drive through the crazy rains of Penn. and after it was finished raining BEHOLD, a DOUBLE rainbow (: if you look closely right about the red sign on the left is the second rainbow.

Finally in NY, right in my cousins backyard, didn't expect NY to look so /not/ snowy right?

At a family reunion i slipped away to play on the swings, like i said before, i never put down my camera.

One day when i was counting my coin jar i decided to do this.. ahah

A friend of mine has a Sugar Glider, it's the cutest thing ever (:

This is how my arm used to look, this is the toned down version too! This is right around freshman year, or the summer after it atleast.

A flower that grew beside my house.

When i went to my friends neighborhood we walked around and i decided to take this picture, because this houses lawn was just marvelous. 

Some roses my mum got.

Saturday, February 18, 2012


While i'm kind of back-tracking the reasons to my overall downfall and bleak outlook on life i found some oldish pics on my computer . They kind of remind me of when i was happy.

Those are just a few, The last one especially reminds me of my sister, i remeber the time we decided we would take matching pictures for our myspace defaults. It was really funny. I wish things could be just like that summer again. I could be happy with her & our other friends, chatting till 4am. i so desperately miss those days.


I really just can't deal with humans anymore. It's really wearing on me. i don't know what to do. I'm getting really upset lately, i'm really desperate for money so i can accquire things i feel like i NEED. truth is, i don't NEED them, i know that in my heart. but i just want want want. I need to feel the empty spaces in my heart with material things simply because i'm missing the love i so desperately need. It really sucks that i know exactly where most of my hatred and self loathing comes from but i can't fix it because i'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not going to run off and get plastic surgery, im not that stupid, and everybody knows i dont have the money. I don't wear makeup, it won't make me prettier. And for fucks sake im not going around showing off my body so i can get a few more likes on my pics on fb. I'm not dropping to the levels of those girls. I want someone to just show me, yes i am pretty enough, yes im good enough. But i know it wont be soon. So for now, i'll have to fill my empty little space with material possessions in hopes of getting noticed, by someone, anyone. I need so much. but i know it's not need. want. I want money, a shit ton of money. i want to spend it on whatever i please! FUCK. i applied for a job. idfc if i stand on my feet all day so long as i get a pay check. Save up. Get into college, get the fuck out of this country. i need to go. I really hope i get this call that says "we've viewed your application, we'd like to have an interview" and dammit im scared out of my wits about it but i really want this in the end. When it comes down to it what i really need is my education, but with that i still need money, nothings free these days. I kind of wish that i had switched schools in the first place. Do i even have real friends? Probably not, I'm way too over protective of everything i like and i want no-one else to like what i like in fear of them knowing more than me, but im also really alone. I have this thing where, getting out of this country will help. idk if it really will. I can only hope so. I just want to win all the money in the world. My psych teacher said rich people arent happier than normal people. but i feel like things would change. i just need love i think. I really need that. I hate because i dont have. I get peeved because somebody has something i dont, a camera, a new phone, a boyfriend, a piece of jewelry. I want that hate to stop but it's so finely ingrained i dont know how i'll pull it out. I feel like only a therapist could help, but it all comes back to the money i simply don't have. Lots comes back to money, ande so the phrase, "more money more problems" but less money...still problems. fuck. just give me money until i can have love please, real love, not that stupid teenage shit, get pregnant in highschool baby daddy leaves you with your child . fuck that shit. I guess i'll have to wait because i'm not trying to throw my life away. I just want money & love. ugh. i guess i'll end it here.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


I would really like to start blogging more, but truth is, nothing interesting ever happens in my life.